somanystyles.com Blog

Feel free to leave comments and share your feedback. Women, email me at drstyles@somanystyles.com with your questions about men.

Dear Dr. Styles,

I am recently out of a 2 1/2 year relationship. I want to get back out on the dating scene however I have been out of the game for a while. In fact my dating skills are a little rusty. I am cool on the club scene but I would still like to meet someone. Any suggestions on scouting out the opposite sex without hitting a bar?

-Lonely Beauty in Sacramento

Hello Lonely Beauty,

It’s very hard to just go out with the intentions of meeting someone compatible to date. Personally, if you are just out of a long relationship, I’d advise that you take some time to yourself to sort out your own personal feelings and emotions. Until you get to a point where you are happily single, it will be hard to be happy in a relationship. Use this as an opportunity to evaluate your last relationship and what you’ve learned about yourself. Think about what you want, don’t want, what you’ll accept or not. Think what you did well and what things you could have done better. Usually there are two sides to a story after a split and the other side is always wrong. But maybe there were things you both did that you could have done better, been more patient about, or applied more understanding. Be honest with yourself in your evaluation.

As far as meeting men, I always feel that the best way to meet people is doing the everyday things we do. I have met some really interesting people catching transit to work, at the grocery store, sitting in a park, eating lunch, shucks even church, don’t sleep. Basically if you’re happy and approachable, men will see your glow and show interest in you. Feel free to develop platonic friendships with men that you think are really cool. Many times, good guys run in packs, and he may have a really nice friend that’s interested in you. That’s a good way to pre-screen them also. In all, just keep doing what you do and if someone is supposed to be in your life, they will become apparent.

Dr. Styles

Feel free to leave comments and share your feedback. Women, email me at drstyles@somanystyles.com with your questions about men.

Dear Dr. Styles,

The REY in my life aka MC Yaps A LoT has decided to start a fan club, for himself. Now when I see his Myspace page I get to see all sorts of half-naked women posting I LOVE YAPPY!!!! In all sorts of interesting positions on their bodies. I do not want to be the crazy girlfriend, but it makes me want to design a yappy doll and poke the eyeballs out! What is a REINA to do when her man gets a fan club?

Sincerely,

Big . eyed . luscious . lipped . angela

Thanks for this question Reina. This is a problem that is near and dear to my heart because my last girlfriend did not appreciate my DJ Styles Myspace site either. Gentlemen such as myself and MC Yappy use a medium like Myspace as a business tool to market and promote ourselves. Your man’s love for you is not diminished by the fans displaying their love for Yappy. What type of entertainer would your man be if he had no fans? As entertainers we have to use everything we got to achieve our lifelong goals and dreams. In fact it is our intense passion that attracts people to us in the first place. So if we use our charisma, charm, good looks, or whatever to sell ourselves, it’s all business and we are our own products. If Will Smith, Boris Kodjo, or Brad Pitt was your man, would you be mad because most of the women in the free world loved your man too? Or would you appreciate that those fans are paying the bills to support your man’s work and your lifestyle. Granted, Yappy or I probably won’t be paying your bills, but if we achieve our dreams and you are our woman then I’m sure you’ll benefit.

Unfortunately, a site like Myspace gets a bad rap. I have learned recently that all types of women snoop, spy, and keep tabs on everything their man, or men they’re interested in are doing on Myspace. (more…)

I apologize for taking a summer and fall hiatus from the So Many Styles Forum. I have been wrapped up with life, love, and relationships, which is the theme of this new installment. I call it Ask Dr. Styles? and I plan to give advice to women on relationships from a man’s perspective. For years I have talked with many of my female friends and they have greatly enjoyed my advice and insights into the minds of men, as well as I have benefited from their experiences. Unfortunately, men and women seem to think and approach relationships from completely different perspectives. I have watched far too many female friends beat themselves over the head because the new guy they’ve been seeing for two weeks hasn’t taken them out or called back yet. I’ve counseled women who’ve dated married men or couldn’t muster the strength to leave their trifling lovers. I’ve counseled many and dealt with my share of relationships through the years, good and bad. From my experiences I have become an expert on what men want in relationships and I’m here to share my insights with you.

Feel free to leave comments and share your feedback. Please email me directly at drstyles@somanystyles.com with new questions and topics. I will address a new topic each week.

So here’s my first question:

Dear Dr. Styles,

Here’s the problem. I think I’m a fairly attractive, professional sista. I’m pretty funny, responsible, a home owner, graduate degree… whatever I touch figuratively speaking turns to gold. I’ve been successful at accomplishing every goal I’ve set out to achieve except one. I don’t know how to do relationships. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me “How come you’re single???” I’d be hobnobbing with Gates, Trump and the like. I think I have a delightful personality and have no problem attracting men, but they don’t seem to want to stay around for the long haul. The love spending time with me, but don’t want to be in a “serious relationship” with me… What gives?

Signed,
Sleepless in San Francisco.

Well Dear Sleepless,

You seem to be a really fly, well put together, very accomplished sista. Unfortunately that is intimidating for many men. As a man, we all want to feel like we are the providers or are doing our part to take care of our woman. Unfortunately, many men would view a sista like you as someone who doesn’t need a man for anything. Sadly, popular perception among many men is that many successful sistas project a persona of “I don’t need a man.” This makes it hard or intimidating many times for some guys to approach a woman of this caliber. Women who expect men to approach them all the time must realize that men go through hundreds, if not thousands, of rejections in a lifetime. Through this jaundiced lens we learn to discern the women who look not interested before we approach them.

Another interesting development that happens is as sistas progress in status and earn extra degrees, the eligible pool of men tends to decrease. I think there is a man out there that would love you like no other woman has been loved before, but you may not notice or pay attention to him. He may deliver your mail every day, or bag your groceries. He may not be Boris Kodjo, Tyrese, or Brad Pitt, and I understand we all set our standards high, Mariah ain’t hollered back at me yet either. But we all have to believe it’s someone out there for us, right?

Good Luck,

Dr. Styles