somanystyles.com Blog

I apologize for taking a summer and fall hiatus from the So Many Styles Forum. I have been wrapped up with life, love, and relationships, which is the theme of this new installment. I call it Ask Dr. Styles? and I plan to give advice to women on relationships from a man’s perspective. For years I have talked with many of my female friends and they have greatly enjoyed my advice and insights into the minds of men, as well as I have benefited from their experiences. Unfortunately, men and women seem to think and approach relationships from completely different perspectives. I have watched far too many female friends beat themselves over the head because the new guy they’ve been seeing for two weeks hasn’t taken them out or called back yet. I’ve counseled women who’ve dated married men or couldn’t muster the strength to leave their trifling lovers. I’ve counseled many and dealt with my share of relationships through the years, good and bad. From my experiences I have become an expert on what men want in relationships and I’m here to share my insights with you.

Feel free to leave comments and share your feedback. Please email me directly at drstyles@somanystyles.com with new questions and topics. I will address a new topic each week.

So here’s my first question:

Dear Dr. Styles,

Here’s the problem. I think I’m a fairly attractive, professional sista. I’m pretty funny, responsible, a home owner, graduate degree… whatever I touch figuratively speaking turns to gold. I’ve been successful at accomplishing every goal I’ve set out to achieve except one. I don’t know how to do relationships. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me “How come you’re single???” I’d be hobnobbing with Gates, Trump and the like. I think I have a delightful personality and have no problem attracting men, but they don’t seem to want to stay around for the long haul. The love spending time with me, but don’t want to be in a “serious relationship” with me… What gives?

Signed,
Sleepless in San Francisco.

Well Dear Sleepless,

You seem to be a really fly, well put together, very accomplished sista. Unfortunately that is intimidating for many men. As a man, we all want to feel like we are the providers or are doing our part to take care of our woman. Unfortunately, many men would view a sista like you as someone who doesn’t need a man for anything. Sadly, popular perception among many men is that many successful sistas project a persona of “I don’t need a man.” This makes it hard or intimidating many times for some guys to approach a woman of this caliber. Women who expect men to approach them all the time must realize that men go through hundreds, if not thousands, of rejections in a lifetime. Through this jaundiced lens we learn to discern the women who look not interested before we approach them.

Another interesting development that happens is as sistas progress in status and earn extra degrees, the eligible pool of men tends to decrease. I think there is a man out there that would love you like no other woman has been loved before, but you may not notice or pay attention to him. He may deliver your mail every day, or bag your groceries. He may not be Boris Kodjo, Tyrese, or Brad Pitt, and I understand we all set our standards high, Mariah ain’t hollered back at me yet either. But we all have to believe it’s someone out there for us, right?

Good Luck,

Dr. Styles

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 7th, 2006 at 10:58 pm and is filed under Ask Dr. Styles?, Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.